Well for anyone who actually reads my blog regularly (I guess
that would mean anyone having read it more than once lol! ); I apologize for the 2
week hiatus. My last entry was a memorial to my friend, Jim
McEathron and it took a lot out of me emotionally.
On the heels of my last entry there was another
significant loss to the body of Christ. On
January 3rd, Pastor Vaughan Jarrold died unexpectedly. I only
had the pleasure to hear Vaugh preach and teach on a few occasions but was
deeply impressed with this mighty man of faith.
I was so impressed with Pastor Vaughn that when he invited people to
receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit a couple of years ago at Rock Solid
Church, I eagerly stepped forward to receive it. I was nervous and didn’t know what to expect
but when Vaughn spoke over me I was filled with the Spirit and did speak in
tongues. It freaked me out at the time
and I know people don’t understand it but I credit the baptism of the Holy
Spirit and the gift of tongues for giving me direct experiences with the Holy
Spirit and for being the catalyst for my spiritual growth and my ongoing
victory over alcoholism. Although I only had limited exposure to
Vaughn, I am forever indebted to him for the impartation of the Holy Spirit’s
baptism and the gifts and victory that have followed it. I didn’t know Vaughn’s wife and family but my
thoughts and prayers were directed towards them in the wake of his passing.
After New Year’s Day, Rock Solid Church observes a period
of fasting and prayer to encourage spiritual renewal for the upcoming
year. The fasting and prayer are
completely voluntary and you set your own guidelines. After the stress of my job changes, the
holiday season, and possible symptoms of seasonal affective disorder (where is
the sun!), I was really looking forward to placing my focus on the Lord and
doing a Bible study I had been intending to do.
The fasting period was from January 4th to the
6th and with my busy schedule of morning exercise, prayer, commute, and
work I discovered it was relatively easy to not eat during the day. At night I stayed out of the kitchen and
retired to my basement retreat to get into the Bible Study. My general
attitude and demeanor during this time was that of an Augustinian monk,
complete with pullover hoody to keep me warm in the chill of the basement. I think next year I will read by candlelight
and do some Gregorian chants to up the ante.
The
Bible study was about Spiritual Warfare focusing on Ephesians 6:10-20 where the
Apostle Paul encourages us to “take
up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day,
and having done all, to stand.” It is a powerful study about Christians preparing themselves with truth,
righteousness, the gospel of peace, faith, prayer, the word of God, and the
assurance of their own salvation to with stand temptations and overcome the challenges
the face as Christians.
I wish I could say
I made great progress with my study but the truth is that I didn’t get too
far. Distractions popped up and I was so
tired that I only managed to study for a little over an hour the first two
nights of the fast. However, although my
study was incomplete, the insights I had were eye opening.
According to the study, “…we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against
principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age…”
but having fasted I felt the struggle was “against flesh and blood”, mainly my
own! I had cravings to eat but then I realized that the cravings were not
particularly physical in nature. I stayed
hydrated and my body wasn’t screaming for food.
All the demands for food seemed to be coming from my mind, out of habit,
or just a compulsion to act or fill a moment with activity. After the first day I realized I could live without eating constantly and I didn’t have to be a slave to answering mental cravings
and compulsions.
Going into day two of the fast I felt such relief and
reflected that this could be what Jesus was referring to when he said in Matt
11:28 “I will give you rest.” When we
put aside the demands of the world and our own flesh and press into our faith,
we can experience a clarity and peace that is only possible when we are
directing ourselves to follow the Lord.
I was deeply impressed by how trivial my normal concerns and interests were
when put in comparison with the things of the Lord. I felt that there was nothing nobler than to
seek and follow the will of the Lord for my life.
With this perspective I examined my thought life,
internal dialogue, personal narrative, or whatever you want to call it and I
was deeply convicted of how mundanely selfish and sinful I am. My introspection revealed what I considered
to be a somewhat base reptilian instinct to serve myself and my selfish desires
with little or no thought to consequences for myself or others. Worse yet my reflections on my thought life
revealed a historical tendency to indulgences in irrational and potentially
damaging fantasy. Mostly theses
fantasies would stem from mental musings of “What would you do if”, “If you
could do anything…”, and “If I wasn’t …” I realize these are probably normal
mental diversions but I realized that they were a waste of time that encouraged
irrational thought and discontentment.
So I would end up hoping for things that can’t happen or if pursued had
the potential to destroy life I have come to know. The major problem with this form of mental
diversion is that the truth of who I am and what I have is lost. I have realized that a lot of the crazy
things I have done in my life have been the result of long periods of mental
musings where desires over ruled common sense.
The great thing about realizing all this was that I now had the insight
to break these trains of thought as they arise by focusing of who I am in Christ. At the end of day two, I felt like I was
really making progress.
So on day three of the fast,
the last day, I figured I had it made in the shade. I had my busy day of work ahead of me to be
followed by Wednesday night worship at the church and then straight to bed. Bam!
Next morning = big breakfast of a spiritual champion! So I was feeling great. I had a major insight
into my thought processes and I saw myself overcoming all distractions to serve
the Lord but then I told one of the guys at work that I was fasting and
immediately I thought of Jesus’ comments regarding the Pharisees and fasting in
Matthew 6:16-18, which basically says to keep your fasting to yourself; don’t
make a public display of it. By telling
my co-worker I was fasting, I felt like I had been overcome with pride and whatever
spiritual progress I had made was lost! The condemnation came fast and quick after
that. After going home, I figured I blew
so I ate. After I ate I felt that I was
a hypocrite and I couldn’t go to church which would be a prayer fest of
faithful fasters! I was a total failure!
The fast has been over for
10 days and I am happy to report that I got over my “failure” and I had a
revelation that Jesus isn’t looking for perfection. The gift of salvation is through faith in Jesus
and what He did, not me. It was a free
gift and I can’t pay it back with my “good” behavior.
I realize now that the
spirit of condemnation that overcame me was not a spirit from God. It is the works of Satan that tempts and that
would have Christians condemn themselves.
I was focused on pressing into my faith in Christ. Who would want to stop that? Ironically, I
was doing a study on Spiritual Warfare only to end up a causality of it. However, I am thankful for the insights I had
during the fast and will try to use this experience to take up the whole armor
of God in my defense in the future.
I hope all who read this are
well and I would encourage you to embrace your faith in Christ by getting into
the word of God and attending a Bible believing Spirit filled church. I invite
anyone in the Columbia County area to attend services at Rock Solid Church in
Hudson NY, at 8:30 and 11 am Sundays, and 7 pm Wednesdays.
I would also recommend
listening to the Bible for free through the https://dailyaudiobible.com/ website or
download the Daily Audio Bible App for your smart phone or tablet. I started using it on the first of the year
and it is a great way to get the Word in your life.
Until next time…. God Bless
You!
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