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Friday, October 15, 2021

Angry? – Doesn’t “It Take Two to Make a Thing Go Right"? - Purity 550


 Angry? – Doesn’t “It Take Two to Make a Thing Go Right?” - Purity 550 

Purity 550 10/15/2021   Purity 550 Podcast

Good morning

Today’s photo of Cave Run Lake in Salt Lick Kentucky comes to us from a friend who retired and left the Empire State behind but who still enjoys going out to see, and who likes to share, the wonders of God’s creation and the peaceful easy felling that one can experience in the stillness that God makes available to those who seek it.   My friend shared two photos from their visit to Cave Run Lake and while both were of the same scene they each had their own appeal, and I was challenged to decide which one to share. So don’t be surprised if we should suddenly visit Cave Run Lake again in the days ahead to show the photo not seen, but I decided to share this one because of the reflection of the sun in the water and I like that little “bansai-esque” tree/bush that is in the left foreground near the lake’s shore.  Little things can mean a lot I guess and sometimes it’s the small details in the big picture that make us feel a sense of peace and wonder that reminds us that we are not alone.

Yesterday, I shared a testimony of a friend’s simple encouragement and how it motivated me to choose to an activity that would lead to delayed peace and contribute to one of my goals rather than taking some free time and using it for purposeless self-indulgence that would give some immediate relaxation but would leave things undone and possibly create a future crisis.   In examining that friendly advice and the implications we could draw from it; I discussed the effect that “enablers” could have on our lives and how they could knowingly or unknowingly contribute to our worst tendencies and keep us locked in reactive patterns that would hinder attaining our goals.  The discourse apparently struck a chord with one FB friend because I got an “angry” face emoji response!

Now I have not interviewed the friend, but I know some of their life history and I know they were in at least one relationship that could have been described as codependent because it was marked by episodes of peace and harmony and episodes of anger and strife as addiction was a central theme to their relationship. 

So while my friend could have felt moved to “angry face” emoji my post because they didn’t like the photo of the day, I am assuming that my descriptions of how “enablers” cause us harm while claiming to love us, stirred up some old memories of those “good old – bad old days” for my friend or caused them to be “angry” for me after hearing about how I too had suffered in relationships with enablers. 

In this culture of fear of causing offense, I could have been filled with worry that I had offended my friend, but when you know the person and their story, you can see that the “anger” they are responding with isn’t directed at you and isn’t necessarily a “bad thing”.  

I’m guessing of course, but my friend wasn’t angry at me. They were angry at the pain and suffering that people can put each other through.  

While we can be angry and wonder why “people” have to be this way. I would point out that the fault doesn’t necessarily lie with just one side of a codependent relationship.  

The problem with the addictive/codependent relationship is that one party or both parties, are addicted to a substance or activity and the other, or both parties, are “addicted” to the other person.    

One party is seeking pleasure in a thing and the other person is seeking pleasure in a person. If you can’t see it, they are both wrong.   A study of the scriptures and an examination of the factors at play here would indicate that they are both “worshipping idols” instead of God.    That’s why even though a new covenant was being established with the incarnation and earthly ministry of Jesus,  Christ reminded His disciples that the first commandment was still to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind”.  

So any relationship between two people, no matter how troubled or peaceful, can only be truly peaceful when both parties are seeking to honor Jesus’ great commandment to love God. When God is at the center of a relationships both parties will live according to His guidance and seek to love, honor, and obey one another with the emphasis doing God’s will for their lives which would include loving and serving one another.  In this scenario the love of God can flow in a circle, where the people send their love to the Lord in worship, receive from Him, and express to one another continually.   Instead of being stuck in reactive patterns where there is an imbalance because one party is putting their needs above another, when God is involved the couple’s focus is on serving Him and the other rather than serving themselves individually.

That’s the way it “should be” and my friend’s “angry emoji” reveals that, while they may or may not realize how important our relationship with God is to our personal sense of peace and purpose, they know that the enabler/codependent dysfunctional relationship isn’t “right”. Thoughts about their experiences in a codependent relationship made them angry, or the realization that I had also suffered in a similar situation made them “angry” for me.  

God gave us our emotions to show us that something was not “right”.  Anger shows us that one of our “goals was blocked”.  The “goal that is blocked” by codependency is a peaceful harmonious relationship.  

While Rob Base rapped about how “it takes two to make a thing go right”, his lyrics were rather self-aggrandizing, and he didn’t really tell us much about having a successful personal relationship.  

Unfortunately, because we can’t make someone “do what we want, all the time” or make them “love God to love me”, the goal to have a “happy relationship” is beyond our individual control.  We can only control our side of the fence and be true to the goal of “being the person that God made me to be”. 

So in our pursuits to find a peaceful committed relationship, we should seek a life partner who is committed to seeking the Lord and being the person that God made them to be.

If its’s “too late” and you are in relationship with someone’s whose focus is not on the things or God, your personal goal to be the “person that God wants you to be” becomes even more important.  God wants you to be forgiving and loving. Your partner without God needs that in their life and your commitment to be the person God wants you to be may have a tremendous impact on your partner and cause them to seek the Lord and be changed by Him.

 While I am not advising to stay in an abusive relationship, when we are committed to some one we take the good with the bad and if the love is real we will work together to overcome problems and disagreements to establish a relationship of peace and love that lasts a lifetime.

But when things aren’t right, get “angry” that things are not going according to God’s design, and get help to institute measures of protection and accountability to break the patterns of dysfunction and to establish a relationship of mutual love and respect with God at the center or to find peace by “setting the captives free”. 

God doesn’t want us to suffer in what are supposed to be “love relationships”.  So keep walking and talking with God, He will give you the wisdom and strength to correct all the problems of your life, but you have to take you, or whoever or whatever you are worshipping, off of that pedestal and recognize His way as the way that is right and that He is the only One worthy of worship.  

When you surrender to the Lord, He may ask you to change the way you think and He may ask you to let go of some baggage that you didn’t think you could live without, but even though there may be a period of adjustment, when you walk with the Lord you realize that burdens disappear and the path He sets you on leads to increasing peace, love, and joy.

 

Today’s Bible verse is drawn from “The NLT Bible Promise Book for Men”.  

This morning’s meditation verse is:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NLT2)
9  Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.
10  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
11  Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone?
12  A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Today’s verse reminds us that we need not be alone in this world and that a companion and friends are a good thing to have for our journey of faith.  

Our loved ones and friend can help us succeed and they can help us in times of trouble. The confines of a committed relationship and the fellowship of the saints offer warmth and protection.    

As I stated above, the important factor of our relationships with one another is the presence of God in them. When all parties are in agreement with the Lord and seeking to do His will for their lives, harmony and peace can be the result. 

Peace with God through faith in Jesus Christ should be the prerequisite for all relationships because it is only when we find the new life that God gives us through our Savior that we can be complete. 

Only the Lord can fill the “God shaped hole” in our lives and when He does we can give all of ourselves to the purpose of loving others and sharing the love of God. To give we must receive. To love we must know what love is.

But today’s verses tell us that we are not just to bask in the love of God by ourselves. We are share the love of God with others.  

I have recently become engaged to be married and these verses today come to us from a book that my fiancé gave me and quite frankly when I saw what verses came next in the book and contemplated the fact that I was going to be reunited with her later today, they really ripped my heart out.  

We have both suffered in our lives and God has brought us together to help each other succeed, to help each other in times of trouble, to keep each other warm, and to love one another. God is at the center of our relationship and while we often praise one another, we invariably remind one another that is the only One worthy to be praised.

So take the love that God has given you and take some time this weekend to share it with your friends, family, other saints, or your life partner.  Two are better than one, but we are only made complete through having faith in the Son.

  

As always, I invite all to go to mt4christ.org where I always share insights from prominent Christian counselors to assist my brothers and sisters in Christ with their walk. 

 

Today we continue sharing from June Hunt’s Dating: Secrets to Great Relating When Dating  

 

As always, I share this information for educational purposes and encourage all to purchase June Hunt’s books for your own private study and to support her work. If you need this title you can find it online at several sites for less than $5.00:

B. What Are the Differences Between Worldly Dating and Godly Courtship?

Josh has done both. He has dated and doesn't want to do it again until he's ready for a serious relationship—until he's ready for marriage. After breaking his girlfriend's heart, he decides dating—even so-called Christian dating—isn't for him. Hearts are too fragile and a relationship should be more about how long to make it last and how deep it can go than how far you can get and what you can take from another person.

People think he's crazy, but he's determined to do things God's way. He'd rather work on getting his own life together than mess up someone else's. He finds great joy and fulfillment in living his life to give God glory and serve others. Shifting his focus to pleasing God and blessing others rewards him with true peace and pure joy. Josh discovers the richness of relationships when he prioritizes giving rather than receiving.

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." (1 John 4:10-11)

Worldly Dating vs. Godly Courtship

Worldly Dating

Godly Courtship

• Focuses on finding the "right" person

• Focuses on being the "right" person

• Begins with romantic attraction

• Begins with common values and interests

• Pursues pleasure as the ultimate goal

• Pursues marriage as the ultimate goal

• Driven by feelings and impulses

• Driven by rational, long-term objectives

• Values experience more than maturity

• Values maturity more than experience

• Expects sexual involvement

• Respects sex as sacred; purity is paramount

• Relies only on self

• Relies on wise counsel and accountability

• Discontent without a love interest

• Content with the love of Christ

• Evaluates others in artificial environments

• Learns who others are in real-life situations

• Accepts flirting as a means to an end

• Rejects flirting as a hurtful habit

• Prioritizes pleasing self

• Prioritizes pleasing the Lord

• Relies on relationships to find purpose

• Relies on God to give purpose

• Takes from others out of emptiness

• Gives to others out of spiritual fullness

"Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22)


Biblical Counseling Keys - Biblical Counseling Keys – Biblical Counseling Keys: Dating: Secrets to Great Relating When Dating.

---------------------------more tomorrow------------------------

 

Join our “Victory over the Darkness” or “The Bondage Breaker” series of Discipleship Classes via the mt4christ247 podcast!

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Encouragement for the Path of Christian Discipleship

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