Rejection and Emotional Insulation - Self-Deception Series 26 – Purity 1115
Purity 1115 08/08/2023 Purity 1115 Podcast
Purity 1115 on YouTube:
Good morning,
Today’s photo of a picnic table and three chairs
positioned around a roaring campfire comes to us from Paulette Hodges who shared
this tranquil scene at Waubeeka Family Campground, in Copake NY on social media
back on July 22nd.
Paulette’s photo reminds me of many a campfire spent
with family in my youth at the Lake George RV park and as an adult with my
children “camping” in my own back yard.
There is just something primal about sitting around a campfire that causes
one to loosen up and to be at peace. In
the intimacy around a fire, we can let go of pretensions and share stories to
assume one another or to reveal the deep thoughts and feelings of the
heart. Something about being around the
fire can make you feel safe and accepted and allow you to be vulnerable in a
way that you aren’t in the light of day.
I get a similar feeling when I share my testimony or
hear how another brother or sister in Christ share how the Lord has come to their
rescue and showed them the way to freedom or peace. Yesterday, I spoke to a brother in Christ
and even though we only knew each other in passing before our meeting, after we
shared a little bit of our stories, I
felt that we “knew” each other because of our mutual acquaintance of the Lord who
called each of us to do things in our lives that were unexpected and risky,
only to discover that the Lord was faithful to meet us where He called us to and
provided for us when we got there. We
weren’t given guarantees of success but when we took our steps of faith we each
discovered that God was faithful to help us and give us what we needed it when
we needed it. Our stories were a
confession that we had “heard from the Lord” and “followed a still small voice”
and even though others may think that sounded insane, we both chose to be
vulnerable with one another as we bore witness of how God moved in our
lives. I’m not sure what will develop
out our new friendship but at the very least we were both encouraged to “keep
walking and talking with God” and we wouldn’t have received it if we had decided
to keep our feelings to ourselves.
Part of our life walking in the Spirit is about being vulnerable with our hearts. When we choose to ask for help or choose to help others with their problems, we take a risk that we will be embarrassed, disappointed, or rejected and when those things happen enough in life, we can grow bitter and choose to stop letting people into our hearts. We can believe the lie that if we shut off our hearts, we won’t feel any more pain.
And that brings us to our current series on Self-
Deception, where we have decided to investigate some of the ways we deceive
ourselves by walking through Step 2, Deception Vs. Truth, of the Steps to
Freedom in Christ to see what ways we may have been deceived by “the world” and
ourselves and in what ways we have wrongly defended ourselves.
So we present the third of the “Ways to Wrongly Defend Yourself”:
3. Emotional Insulation
The Steps to Freedom in Christ describe emotional
insulation as “withdrawing from people or keeping people at a distance to avoid
rejection.”
Hurt feeling hurt! The pain of rejection is sharp
and devastating. The opposite of being acceptance, rejection is an affront to
us individually as we are judged to be “not good enough” in some aspect of our
lives and are shut out of the company of others. Rejection says: “You’re not smart enough,
pretty enough, rich enough, or like “the others” in some way” that makes you to
feel “less than” and unwelcome. Rejection informs you, in subtle or not so
subtle ways, that your presence is not required or desired by the people you
made yourself vulnerable to. Whether you
want to admit it or not rejection “breaks your heart” and can cause you to be
depressed or angry at being deemed “unacceptable”.
One defense mechanism that we can go to in response
to our pain of rejection is to decide to emotionally insulate ourselves from
others, to purposely keep people at a distance lest they get too close and
break our hearts again.
I know I have used emotional insulation as a defense
in the past. I’ve had my heartbroken
pretty early in my youth causing me to have distorted views of relationships
and quite a fair amount of bitterness and angst toward society in general. Rejection caused me to think I had to earn
people’s love – that unrequited love was the best love because it proved your
love was genuine and that you were willing to pursue it at all costs and possibly
endure years of rejection until you were finally seen as worthy of acceptance. That
was one view I had early on but after my suffering wasn’t alleviated and my
rejection was made crystal clear and painfully obvious, I hardened my heart and
pursued a hedonistic lifestyle of cold detachment, pantomiming emotions and
sincerity to get the temporary pleasures I wanted and using people as a means
to an end and never letting anyone into my heart. But playing “Iceman” wears on
your soul and it tends to leave you lonely, and guilt ridden as you shut
yourself off from the love you could have for some grand idea of “the
unobtainable” that you will never achieve.
The resultant loneliness caused me to eventually compromise all
discernment and to make some bad relationships decisions that no amount of “people
pleasing” could fix and were doomed to failure.
Just like a campfire that needs constant fuel to
stay alive, seeking circumstantial happiness is a never ending struggle that
requires constant attention and will consume everything to keep things “shiny
and bright”.
So emotional insulation isn’t the answer. It either
will leave you lonely – and its not good for man to be alone according to God’s
word- or it will cause you to create idols out of people who aren’t God – like yourself
– or someone else that you think will give you a “happy life” if you could just
“make them happy”.
God’s word would direct us to be honest with our
feelings, to know our value in God’s eyes (regardless of the acceptance of
others) and to love others selflessly and sacrificially but without sacrificing
to them like an idol. God commands us to
love Him first because His love is perfect and when we are grounded in His love
and know who we are in Christ, we know that we will never be alone and don’t have
to base our worth or happiness on someone else’s opinion.
So seek the healing that God’s love provides and
allow it to make your heart of stone into a heart of flesh. God’s love and
wisdom will empower you to be vulnerable but also secure in the knowledge that His
love is forever and never fades away.
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For
those who want more evidence for Christianity than my simple encouragements provide,
I offer apologist, Frank Turek’s website, https://crossexamined.org/ .
Today’s
Bible verse comes to us from “The Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling” By
John G. Kruis.
(
While Bible verses on various topics of Counseling can be found with a quick
google search, we encourage you to purchase this resource to support the late
author’s work. (https://www.amazon.com/Quick-Scripture-Reference-Counseling-Kruis-ebook/dp/B00CIUJZT2?ref_=ast_author_dp )
This morning’s
meditation verse come from the section on Affliction, Discipline, Chastisement,
& Trials.
Romans 8:28 (NASB)
28 And we know that God
causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who
are called according to His purpose.
Today’s
verse fall under the twelfth point of our counseling reference guide resource’s
section on Affliction,
Discipline, Chastisement, & Trials
12. “In everything God works for the good of those who love Him.”
Today’s
verse is one the most hope sustaining verses that one can find the Bible, but I
am quick to point out that this great promise of our faith is a conditional
promise. The verse doesn’t say that “God
causes all things to work together for good for everybody”. It says God moves all thing together for
good to those who love God AND “to those who are called
according to His purpose.
Do you love God? Do you really? Loving God can be a foreign concept if you haven’t attached to Him relationally. Have you ever told God you loved Him? Do you talk to Him?
Our relationship to the Lord is just that: a LOVE relationship – not a “deal” or “legal agreement”. It’s not quid pro quo –It’s not “I believe in You and You forgive me and give me blessings and eternal life”. Where’s the love in that?
One of the instructions I give for the path of Christian Discipleship is to “Seek the Lord” and that instruction is given in the hopes that you will seek to know Him more because I believe that to know God is to love Him. When you know about how much He loves us and how awesome He is, the natural and appropriate response is to love and worship Him: to adore Him.
And when we love the Lord, we in turn are filled with the desire to Obey Him – to seek out His purpose for our lives as an expression for our love.
The promise of and inheritance of eternal life that we receive when we put our faith in Jesus Christ is the “ultimate good” that God is moving all things together to accomplish for us. As for the ebb and flow of our existence on this mortal coil, I can’t offer any guarantees – the word indicates it will be a mixed bag of joy and suffering – but when we love God and are called to His purposes, we will see the beauty of our lives that transcends positive circumstances and know our eternal hope and joy is always before us.
So if you are afflicted, continue to seek the Lord’s purposes and love the Lord because all things are moving together for your good and eventually you will see them manifest together, one way or another, for your good, peace, and joy.
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As always, I invite all to go to mt4christ.org where I
always share insights from prominent Christian theologians and counselors to
assist my brothers and sisters in Christ with their walk.
Today we continue sharing from The Holy Spirit By A.W. Pink.
As always, I share this information for educational
purposes and encourage you all to purchase A.W. Pink’s books for your own
private study and to support his work. This resource is available online
for $0.99 (https://www.amazon.com/Holy-Spirit-Arthur-Pink-Collection-ebook/dp/B008CM5292/ref=sr_1_3?crid=AHKAQOM39CTN&keywords=a.w.+pink+the+holy+spirit&qid=1684376225&sprefix=a.w.+pink+the+holy+spirit+%2Caps%2C96&sr=8-3)
A.W. Pink’s The Holy Spirit
18 - The Spirit Indwelling
What
the Indwelling Spirit Is
The indwelling Spirit is the bond by which believers are united to Christ. If, therefore, we
find the Holy Spirit abiding in us, we may warrant-ably conclude we have been
“joined to the Lord.” This is plainly set forth in those words of the Savior’s,
“And the glory which Thou gayest Me I have given them; that they may be one,
even as We are one: I in them, and Thou in Me, that they may be made perfect in
one” (John 17:22, 23). The “glory” of Christ’s humanity was its union with the
Godhead. How was it united? By the Holy Spirit. This very “glory” Christ has
given His people: “I in them,” which He is by the sanctifying Spirit—the bond
of our union with Him.
The indwelling Spirit
is the sure mark of the believer’s
freedom from the Covenant of Works, under which all Christless persons
stand. And our title to the special privileges of the new covenant, in which
none but Christ’s are interested is but another way of saying. they are “not
under the law, but under grace” (Rom. 6:14). This is plain from the Apostle’s
reasoning in Galatians 4:6, 7, “Because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the
Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Wherefore thou art no
more a servant, but a son.” The spirit of the old covenant was a servile one, a
spirit of fear and bondage, and those under the same were not “sons,” but servants. The spirit of the new covenant
is a free one, that of children,
inheriting the blessed promises and royal immunities contained in the charter
of grace.
The indwelling Spirit
is the certain pledge and earnest of
eternal salvation. The execution of the eternal decree of God’s electing
love—“drawn” (Jer. 31:3), and the application of the virtues and benefits of
the death of Christ by the Spirit (Gal. 3:13, 14), is sure evidence of our
personal interest in the Redeemer. This is plain from 1 Peter 1:2: “Elect
according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through sanctification of the
Spirit, unto obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ.” God’s
eternal decree is executed and the blood of Christ is sprinkled upon us when we
receive the Spirit of sanctification. The Spirit’s residing in the Christian is
the guarantee and earnest of the eternal inheritance: “Who hath also sealed us,
and given the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts” (2 Cor. 1:22).[1]
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tomorrow------------------------
Join our “Victory over the Darkness”, “The Bondage
Breaker”, "Freedom in Christ" series of Discipleship Classes via the
mt4christ247 podcast!
at https://mt4christ247.podbean.com, You can also find it on Apple podcasts
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These teachings are also available on the
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Email me at mt4christ247@gmail.com to receive the class materials, share your progress, and
to be encouraged.
My wife, TammyLyn, also offers Christian
encouragement via her Ask Seek Knock blog (https://tammylynask.blogspot.com/ ), her
Facebook Group: Ask, Seek, Knock (https://www.facebook.com/groups/529047851449098 ) and her podcast Ask, Seek, and Knock on
Podbean (https://feed.podbean.com/tammalyn78/feed.xml)
For those who require the assistance of a Deeper
Walk International Prayer Minister to experience healing or your freedom in
Christ, I highly recommend Christy Edge’s Life on the Edge Freedom Prayer
Ministry. You can schedule a session by going to : https://cedge216.wixsite.com/life-on-the-edge
“The views, opinions, and commentary of this
publication are those of the author, M.T. Clark, only, and do not purport to
reflect the opinions or views of any of the photographers, artists, ministries,
or other authors of the other works that may be included in this publication,
and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of any entities the
author may represent.”
Encouragement for the Path of Christian Discipleship
[1]
Arthur Walkington Pink, The Holy Spirit
(Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, n.d.).