Celebrate Recovery? Celebrate Freedom.

Thursday is recovery night in my life and with my schedule sometimes I get tired and see going as an obligation that just has to be done. I put on a happy face, lead worship, and try to encourage others.   Bob teaches on a principle ( or step) of recovery and then we have a small group discussion.  When Bob asks if anyone has issues or needs prayer, I usually don't feel the need to share my petty complaints and let others get ministered to. Part of tonight's lesson had to do with playing the blame game and Bob went off script and asked the group "What are you whining about? You know....You need some cheese with that whine? What are you whining about?" 

I shared with the group. Boy did I share.  I had to preface my whine with a disclaimer.  "Now I don't do this anymore.... I used to but I don't anymore... I don't whine about it.... I don't give voice to it... I try to stay positive but my thought life sometimes is caught up in this."  After the disclaimer I let loose with a the flow of consciousness of my internal monologue of my fears, frustrations, and failures,  As I confessed my inner most thoughts I admitted to the faulty logic and lies that my thought life was based on.  I said that I was addicted to unicorns..... I was enamored with the idea of things that didn't exist.  Walter Mittyesque fantasy and general discontentment with life and myself all got exorcised. You see as these illogical thoughts and feelings rise up, I was pretty effective at shooting them down and moving forward but I was fighting alone.  

That's where the power in community can really set you free. You need your brothers or sisters in Christ to know you are human too. You struggle with stuff like everyone else and in confessing it the power in those secret thoughts and frustrations are dispersed.   

Psalm 55:22 says "Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you;" 

James 5:16 says "Confess your trespasses  to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed." and 
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says "Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up"

That is why recovery can set you free: community.  Those who isolate themselves hide their hurts, pain, and secrets.  God counsels us to come to Him with our burdens and to lean on one another.  God will never leave us or forsake us but sometimes we need to confide in one another and get healed.  

So many things happened at recovery that blessed me and I came out grateful for all I had taken for granted coming in.  I will be 8 months sober come Monday November 16th and I never thought I would ever want to be sober that long but as I walk this walk with the Lord I am further and further from the old man I used to be,  I am not white knuckling this sobriety I have learned that booze and drugs are simply a lie. Looking for comfort in anything without God is an empty pursuit. My heart is changing. I have a genuine desire just to abide with the Lord through His word, service and through community with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  If you are reading this and drink and get drunk on a regular basis, you have a problem. Surrendering to drunkenness is a response to fear, anxiety, and hopelessness. Alcohol is a depressant. You feel happy for a short time but it all ends in dehydration, pain, and confusion.  You are looking for rest.  Find it in Christ.  Take off the chains of addiction.  Set yourself free by putting your trust in Christ.   Jeremiah 29:13  "And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."  When you seek God you will find Him. Seek the freedom only Christ can give. 

No Man Left Behind - Happy Veterans Day.

On this Veteran's Day I ran in the 10th Annual Valatie NY Veterans Day 5K in my on going mission to recondition my body from the life of overindulgence and sin I was caught in for most of my life.  I jogged for a short time in my 30's but never was much of a runner, I placed 66 out of 109 with a time of 30:18 with a pace of 9:45, a nice steady run. I have had better times in a few 5K's I have run recently but I am becoming content in just running a steady race.  Running sure can humble you. A pair of boys,  9 &10 year olds, and an 11 year old girl were just in front of me at the finish line.  So if speed comes I'll let it but I am not going to kill myself to get 63rd place! 

I only recently decided to let go of alcohol from my life entirely and treat my body like the vessel that carries the Holy Spirit that it is.  The truth is to my shame I at one time tipped the scales at 320lbs!  I wasn't there long because I knew that over 300 was way too much, even at 6 feet tall.  So I started to exercise, stopped drinking, took pills, and watched what I ate and got to 290 lbs.  Last fall I had got down to 270lbs, I wasn't in recovery at the time so on Thanksgiving I was encouraged to have a beer or two.  I only had 2 that day but man when you open the door to seeking comfort from anything but God you can go wrong fast.  The next thing I knew I was drinking 8-10 beers on a daily basis, feeling like crap and repenting each morning and falling right back into it come sundown the same day.  So after a few months I was back to 290 again, depressed, convicted, low.  Luckily God put it in retired Pastor Bob Costello to start a Celebrate Recovery program in our Church back in March. When Bob announced it in front of the congregation he might as well had been talking just to me. I knew this was for me.  

So I went and was 2 weeks sober when I got called away for a rock and roll weekend in Hunter mountain, a bunch of 50 somethings reliving classic rock glory. I was new to Recovery and I was too weak to even try to stay sober in the midst of such a gathering.  Maybe I could have tried, but I'l be honest and say I didn't. I even picked up a couple of packs of smokes, even though I had quit years a go. I figured when in Rome... just do it, all in.  Well, truth is even though I drank to excess, I didn't have a "great time, it was okay but I felt like it wasn't worth it and I was really convicted on Sunday march 22nd that I was done for real. I reported my failures to the recovery group thinking I would be condemned for relapsing after 2 weeks  but was met with understanding and support. I am happy to say I haven't had a drink or cigarette since.  I completed the 12 steps and have joined the leadership team for the latest session of Celebrate Freedom (because Bob did a discipleship class after the program and we didn't meet every single week as Celebrate Recovery, we had to choose a different name).  A few weeks into the program I picked up my guitar and now lead the group in worship each week!  Don't get excited, Eric Clapton I am not, pretty messy but with feeling for sure. 

Anyway, since entering recovery I have become more disciplined with exercise, morning prayer and bible study.  Since March I have gotten my weight down to 250 lbs, and gotten some definition in my arms, legs, shoulders, and stomach, following tips from Men's Health magazine.  It is a work in progress but I am fighting the good fight having progressed from walking to running, having completed seven 5Ks since September.  My next scheduled 5K  isn't til December unless I sign up for another in the interim, I would but work is picking up and overtime is calling to help pay for my missions trip to Africa.  Oh yeah, going to Zambia in February for 2 weeks, also Zimbabwe or Botswana details still getting hashed out.  I am also working on my Bachelor degree in Biblical Studies at Vision Christian Bible College Through Rock Solid Church.  

Anyway, on this Veterans's Day I would like to take the time to thank my father, Mathew Clark, for his service in Viet Nam and the Navy Reserves during Desert Storm.  Also I would like to thank my brother Michael for his service in Operation Uphold Democracy (Haiti 1994).  You guys risked your lives serving this country and I will never fully understand what it is like knowing that you could be sent into a situation where you don't come back alive.  I know our family was very fortunate that you both returned home safely without serious injury.  

Military service reminds me of the sacrifice Jesus made, living a sinless life and paying for all mankind's sins on the cross at Calvary. Jesus gave his life for us. The spirit of brotherhood that military service can instill is summarized in John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends."   Service men and women at times have laid down their lives for their brothers in arms.  Acts of bravery should be recognized and I would encourage anyone reading this to thank and veterans or active service ment and women for their sacrifices for our freedom. 

With that said let's please use the freedom that so many have paid for with their lives to share the gospel. As great as life in the United States can be, it only lasts until we take our last breath. Without Christ, people are condemned to eternity in Hell.  We need to share the gospel boldly and let people know how serious it is to become a member of Christ's kingdom.  Jesus said in Matthew 13:45 -46 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls,  who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it."   So the kingdom of heaven, is worth everything we have! When we die we hold onto nothing from this world. If we die without Christ, in Hell we will curse every moment of our existence. There will be no fond memories of our old lives. We won't be partying with our old buddies.  Luke 13:28 says "There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, and yourselves thrust out."   So share the gospel, save a soul.  Saving lives are heroic, but how futile it will be to save a life only to know that we failed to act to save others from Hell. We need to save our friends, family , and neighbors from Hell. We will boldly fight for the souls of all we encounter.  We should leave no man behind.  

7th Street Park Evangelist message & personal testimony

Photo credit: (https://theurbanprospector.wordpress.com/2014/07/07/urban-design-in-the-hudson-valley/) 

A Matter of Life or Death:

Evangelist Message Delivered September 20, 2015, 7^th Street Park Hudson New York

My name is Marc Clark and I was born and raised in Hudson. In my youth, I often passed through this park going from my friend’s apartment back to my parent’s house on Green Street; usually drunk, high on drugs or both. In fact, my friend lived on the top floor of that building on the corner and sometimes late at night we would go up to the roof to drink and smoke weed.  

I wish I could say those were just things I did in the wild days of my youth but the years passed and there were a lot of changes to my life but the booze stayed with me. I denied that my drinking was a problem for 25 years.  However, I am happy to say that I am now free of my addiction and the reason is because of my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. 

The Bible says “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”  (2 Corinthians 5:17)  NKJV

I am living proof that this is true. Jesus Christ has the power to change your life forever.

Before I made Jesus my Lord and Savior, I couldn’t even imagine a life without alcohol.  The problem with bad habits though is that your habits begin to define you.  As much as I liked to say I didn’t have a problem, at times my whole life revolved around getting drunk. Booze was a reward for hard work and a remedy for my troubles.  I was incapable of living without alcohol and it caused all sorts of problems with my health, my mental state, and my family.   The worst thing is that at times I knew I should give it up but I felt powerless and hopeless to change.  I struggled for years trying to come to a place where I could be free of it. I would change from beer to liquor to wine and back again, trying to find the secret recipe to moderation.  I would dry out for a while but I would always go back to it.  Even though I was living the American dream, I felt empty and alone. I was depressed and anxiety ridden. Life seemed meaningless so I always turned back to booze. 

However, one day I was scanning through the radio stations in my truck at work and landed on a Christian station with a pastor preaching. Being an intellectually evolved atheist, I thought to myself “This will be good for a laugh!” So I listened.

 The pastor was telling a story about his daughter and how he was sending her off to college and about the love that he had for her. How he had raised her from a baby and now it was time to send her off into the world.  He said that his love for his daughter was so strong that He would do absolutely anything for her but he had to admit that there were things that he didn’t know about her. There was a lot of lost time: Time spent at work, Time at school, Time apart.  He wondered where all the years had gone.

The pastor went on to explain that unlike him, God knows everything about us and there isn’t a second of time in our lives that He couldn’t recall without perfect clarity. God knows everything we have done and every thought that goes through our mind. 

The Bible says:

Psalm 139

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
² You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
³ You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴ For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. NKJV

So God knows all our secrets. He has seen us at our best. Unfortunately, He also knows every lousy thing we’ve ever done.  He knows the things we’ve taken. He knows the lies we’ve told.  He knows our hateful moments. He knows our lust. He has seen our sins.

For Bible says “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23 NKJV

The pastor explained that besides having to live with the aftermath of our sins in our daily lives, there are eternal consequences to our sin.

For the Bible says:

“And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment,” Hebrews 9:27 NKJV

We are not annihilated. We don’t just black out to nothingness when we die. We are not reincarnated. We don’t get a second chance. We only get one life to live. We have to make an account for our lives when we die.

As humans we are not perfect. We mess up. God saw that we were lost in our sins and unable to help ourselves.

The amazing thing is that even though He knows all of our faults and our crimes, He loves us. He is willing to forgive us. He wants to be with us forever. That is why he sent Jesus. Jesus lived a sinless life and died on the cross for our sins. 

As the Bible says:

"He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." 1 Peter 2:24. NIV

And

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  Romans 5:8 NKJV

Jesus received our judgment on the cross. He paid our debt with His life in order that we can live in God’s presence forever. 

The Bible says “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 NKJV

I remember hearing this verse that day in my truck as if for the first time. I finally understood that God knows me personally and he loves me.  He was willing to forgive me of all my sins if I would simply say yes to Jesus and ask Him to be my Lord and Savior.  I didn’t have to do penance or a life time of good works to make up for my mistakes. I only had to put my faith in Jesus. When the pastor on the radio invited his listeners to say a prayer asking Jesus into their lives, I followed along changing my life forever. 

I immediately felt the burden of my sin be lifted from me. I was no longer guilty in God’s eyes. I had been washed clean by the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  I am now a Co-heir with Christ in God’s eternal kingdom.  I am forgiven and there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change that.  

For Jesus said “I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me,” John 10:28 NLT.

So I know when I die, I will simply go on to eternal life with Jesus.  However, I started living the life God has planned for me progressively since the day I named Jesus the Lord of my life.  Since that day, my heart has changed. My anxiety and depression left me. I no longer have restless nights and sleep soundly almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.  I’m not perfect. I still mess up. I sin but when I do it grieves my heart and I confess it directly to Jesus knowing as the Bible says:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

That is what has been happening in my life since I have been saved by Jesus. I am sober for six months for the first time in 25 years. Sin doesn’t have the power over me as it once did. I am truly free for the first time in my life.

Now, I know you might be thinking. “That’s great for you, Marc. You found a way to clean up your act, Finally! But I don’t have problems like yours. I have made good choices for myself and my life is great. I don’t need God’s help. Why do I need Jesus?” 

I have dedicated my life to Jesus and I am compelled to tell others of the great danger that await those who die without Jesus in their lives. 

For the Bible says: “He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.”  John 3:18

And, of also of non-believers:

“These shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of His power,” 2 Thessalonians 1:9

And also

“The Son of Man will send out His angels, and they will gather out of His kingdom all things that offend, and those who practice lawlessness, and will cast them into the furnace of fire. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.“ Matthew 13:41-42

The Bible is speaking about Hell. I know lots of people joke about Hell but I don’t think there is anything funny about everlasting destruction in a furnace of fire where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth.  These verses describe anguish and agony that lasts forever. Your beer drinking buddies might be there but you will be consumed by fire and pain that never ends.  Hell is not a Garth Brook’s song about friends in low places. There are no friends in Hell.  There is only opposition.  Like a caged animal you will lash out at everything you encounter.  You will curse every moment of your life on earth when it is revealed how foolish you were for never going to God. The pleasures you knew on the earth will be distant bitter memories and will be corrupted by the truth that they were the snares that kept you from God.  You will be filled with hatred for everyone you ever knew because they didn’t save you.  They didn’t tell you the truth. 

Jesus said “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”  John 14:6

There is only one way to God and that is through faith in Jesus Christ.  The powers in darkness are growing in this world and the name of Christ is reviled now more than ever.  Purity and goodness are mocked and ridiculed.  Christian believers are going to their deaths at the hands of ISIS rather than renouncing their faith in Christ.  Would they do this for a lie? No! They know the truth; that the only lasting life is through Jesus and that their existence here on earth is only the beginning of the eternal life promised to those who believe.  The second those believers lost their lives to these terrorists, they were in His presence.  As Jesus said to the thief while both were dying on the Cross, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with me in Paradise.”  Luke 23:43 NKJV

This is your choice: Life or Death. If you come to Jesus you will be forgiven of all your sins and have eternal life. Jesus has the power to change you, to set you free. That life can start today. You don’t have to be a perfect person.  You just have to ask Jesus into your life. 

If you feel compelled to make this change in your life, please don’t wait. Talk with one of us and we will pray with you. Thank you and God bless you.

The importance of Music in Church

Had to write a paper for Church History Class, so thought I'd share it.  You are dealing with one lazy blogger! 

The Importance of Music in Church Services

             If you are going to make the case for the importance of a thing, it is customary to be able to express how the particular thing has value or serves a purpose.  So in regarding the importance of music in the church, we have to ask the questions:

·         Does music serve a purpose in church services?

·         Is music valuable to church services?

If these two questions are examined and answered, we will truly know the importance of music in church. 

Taking Care of Business

            My earliest recollection of the role that music played in church services was one of structure.  The Catholic Church service was divided in parts and the music would tell the parish what was happening next.  The service would open and end with songs of praise and worship and at certain intervals parts of the mass where sung.  So music played the utilitarian role of time keeper; my family was particularly fond of the closing hymn that marked the end of service. 

            Beyond the basic divisions of time, church music played the more important role of teaching and giving praise.  The hymns that were sung in church reinforced the lessons about Christian doctrine I learned in Sunday school.  My fondest memories of church music in my youth was giving praise and honor to God in song, particularly with Christmas themed hymns like “Come All Ye Faithful”, “Silent Night” and “Joy to the World!”.  These moments of my youth in church proclaiming praise in song had me deeply rooted in belief in Christ and proud to be one of his followers.   

Purpose? The purpose of music is to Rock!

It is commonly thought that the purpose of music is to entertain.  The criticism of the use of music in the church has primarily been aimed at the entertainment value of the music performed. When the focus of music in church is solely for the entertainment of the audience, these criticisms are warranted.   While music is a form of entertainment and entertainment could be listed as one of the purposes of music in church,   the main purpose of the gathering of the church service is to give glory, honor, and praise to God so this should be the purpose of the music in the church service as well. 

The argument against music in church could take aim at the content of the music, the style, or both.  Throughout the ages of church history, critics have claimed that certain forms of church music was dishonoring God, making light of the gospel, or was too worldly. The use of particular musical instruments, hymns, or certain arrangements was deemed an unholy form of praise, unbiblical, or drew the attention from God to individuals.  For example, the Lutherans used organs, choirs, and traditional catholic congregational songs that reinforced the meaning of the gospel where as other branches of Protestantism rejected these forms, insisting that the only acceptable music was music that came directly from scripture.  So who’s right?

Music appreciation is truly subjective. Our grandparents’ standard of acceptable church music is different from our standards.  The Lutherans and the Calvinists had different standards.  Styles and standards might change but we must remember that our purpose is to glorify God, and if that is the case, I feel that the music in church must: 

·         Give respectful and reverent praise towards God

·         Be in accordance with biblically moral standards of conduct and decency

·         Be biblically and doctrinally accurate.

This might be a short list of requirements but as long as they are met, who am I or anyone else to say that the way that someone chooses to honor and praise the Lord is wrong.  So be it rap, country western, or didgeridoo church music, as long as God is being praised respectfully, genuinely, and accurately the true purpose of church music is fulfilled. 

Value: Beyond Purpose

            The purpose of church music has been shown to be:

·         Utilitarian – Division and structure, keeping time.

·         Educational – Teaching and reinforcing gospel doctrine.

·         Entertainment – Some list church music as the reason for going to church!

·         Devotional – Praise and Honor to God.

Church music fits the bill in terms of purpose.  Something meeting four purposes would automatically be considered valuable.   Four purposes shows music in church has a quantifiable value.  However, sometimes it’s not the quantity that matters; it’s the quality that really determines value.  Sometimes the whole is worth more than the sum of the parts.   There are two qualitative aspects to music in church that go beyond purpose and surpass the use of music in any other setting.  These two aspects are: the sense of community and the anointing of the Holy Spirit.   

            It is true that music brings people together but the sense of community that is established when believers of the one true God come together and give praise, honor and glory to Him is more than the good vibes of a rock concert. It is the united proclamation of truth and devotion that builds bonds between believers corporately while also connecting believers to God Himself.  A small glimpse of heaven is gained when believers rise up joined in song. You can imagine the scene in Revelation 4 where the living creatures “do not rest day or night, saying “Holy , holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come!”  This sense of community is the result of the fully appropriate and righteous praise of the Lord. 

            The sense of community that we feel in church through music is amplified through the anointing of the Holy Spirit. This anointing is understood by believers when the quality of the worship is elevated in a sense where the presence of God seems to flow through you and wash over you. The experience is marked by incredible joy and an overwhelming flow of emotion and timelessness that is difficult to articulate but is understood experientially as something super natural.  The first time I experienced this anointing at Rock Solid Church I was visible shaken and taken aback by the power I experienced. I was new to the church and I remember a member of the congregation greeting me.  I remember saying “Yeah” or “Wow!” and He just sort of laughed because he could see I was really moved by the worship.  It was okay because I didn’t have much more to say, having been rendered speechless. 

This is what is special about music in church or church music anywhere; it connects us to God.  It takes that intellectual knowledge and ties it to our hearts and the Holy Spirit is confirming that it is real and it is all true.  These realizations and experiences of abiding with the Holy Spirit I have known have come through prayer, studying the word, praying in tongues, and praising Him through music.  So if you ask me if it is important to have music in church, I would have to say “Yeah” or “Wow!” 

           

Time Flies - Testimony Time Line -

(photo credit: https://buddhisthumor.org/pblaw_cartoons.html) 

Promises, Promises,  My well-intentioned declaration to write everyday didn't work out!

Anyway I was sharing some things about myself.... and I left off with the birth of my twin boys back in 2001.  Holden was the larger healthier twin who came home shortly after being born but his older (by a few minutes)  smaller brother Brennan had to stay in the hospital a few weeks and when he came home he had a heart monitor attached. We called Brennan beeper for a while because in the middle of the night or at random times during the day he would shift the monitor or somehow set it off, cause us to freak out and run to his crib to make sure he was still alive!  Thank God he was!  I'm happy to report that Brennan is currently in eighth grade and turning 14 in December.

My Son Holden died of pneumonia in March of 2002.  Holden and Brennan got colds in March and we were concerned and took them both to the doctor on a Saturday.  The doctor said they would be fine but Holden took a turn for the worse. I got up with the babies at night and I attended to Holden, gave him a bottle and fell asleep with him in my arms sitting in the recliner in our living room.  When I woke up he was cold and unresponsive. I screamed for my wife to call 911 and started doing CPR, Michele tried too. The first state trooper on the scene took over. The paramedics took him to the hospital. They worked on him their until a doctor eventually told us that he was gone.

We went home.  The state troopers showed up to ask me some questions.  I was afraid I had inadvertently smothered Holden because there was blood on my shirt. I gave the shirt to the detectives.  The medical examiner's autopsy showed that Holden's lungs were diseased, the pneumonia.  I remember being really angry and lost in grief.  

Brennan was fine and we baptized him shortly after Holden's funeral.  I was angry so I stopped going to church.  I kept busy, working and taking care of Haley and Brennan, but I was really lost in grief for quite some time, 2 years I think.

Around 2005 I discovered Buddhism and its philosophy that life is suffering. That spoke to me so I went full fledged Buddhist for 5 years; Reading Buddhist's teaching, meditating, going to the local Buddhist center,  I thought I had found a wise philosophy of life to deal with the suffering through appropriate actions and by re-identifying and re-prioritizing things in my life.  God was something of a mystery, as a Buddhist you don't deny He exists but you sure don't look to Him for any help. A Buddhist is too busy practicing meditation and staying grounded in the present moment with yourself as the center of attention and the ability to transcend all suffering if you work hard enough, being so dedicated that we are content to continue to work it out in the next life if necessary!  I remember feeling "enlightened" that I didn't believe in or rely on a God to help me; people that believed in a God were weak and lacked understanding.  Karma ran the universe, you just had to change your karma!  Practice and Study the Dharma, get good Karma.  Oh boy!   I am thankful for what I learned through my experience in Buddhism particularly the techniques of meditation and viewing material things as they really are, but the theology/cosmology of Buddhism is man saying "I can do it myself if I just work hard enough". Now that is a philosophy that is common and lacks understanding.  This universe had a beginning and has a purpose.

To find the purpose We have to look at the beginning.  Genesis 1:1 says  "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."  Everything begins with God,  Everything is going to end with God too. We can deny Him. We can say He doesn't exist.  We can make up a God that is comfortable to live with,  We can do lots of things. It doesn't mean we should.  We can run but we can't hide.

In spring of 2010, I was a full fledged Buddhist, doing medicine Buddha chants on the side of the road while flagging traffic for my construction job but God had decided that I had run long and far enough.  He wasn't going to be ignored anymore.    

I am not a perfect person!

(Photo Credit: http://whisper.sh/whisper/053ef43232395050503936ec8310e14f2d38ce/Im-not-a-perfect-personTheres-many-thing-I-wish-I-didnt-doBut-I-co) 

My intentions going forward are to write in this blog everyday, for better and most likely worse.

About me - real quick like.

Born 1972 June.

I live in Upstate NY and was born to Irish & Polish parents of the Catholic faith.

My Dad is !00 % Irish, worked as a correctional officer (retired) so it may not surprise you to hear he has been known to drink and had a short fuse at times.


My Mon is 100% Polish, she likes to play the ponies and  used to work for the Phone Company.

So I grew up in the Catholic Church but when my teenage years (17) really started taking off I was sure that my desires and actions would send me to hell. I liked to drink and was very interested in the prospects of premarital sex.  So instead of going to confession I decided to just deny God altogether.  I was also extremely liberal and humanistic I guess.  

So I was a quasi lost Catholic/atheist from 17-23 or so.

At 22 I met the woman who would become my wife, Michele,  I was sort of lost and lonely and although she had a 10 year old daughter and I wasn't sure about being a step parent, We got romantically involved and a few months later I was moving in.   Michele was a non-practicing Episcopalian but after a few years we decided to get married and have kids so we started going to Church.   The Episcopalian church was great, compared to the Catholic church I was used to.  The reverends were really nice guys and as it turned out gay lovers.  That was fine and dandy with me.  Like I said I was extremely liberal and thought people should have the right to love who they wanted, and that gays could serve in the church, why not.  I even went to classes to learn about the Episcopalian Church and the next thing I knew I was being annointed with oil and was a confirmed Episcopalian!

Michele and I got married in 1998 and our daughter Haley was born in July of 2000.  Things were good.  We got the news shortly after Michele was going to have twin boys! Michele was pregnant with them during 911 and a few months later Brennan and Holden Clark were prematurely born on 122101.   Holden was the bigger boy and got to come home shortly after. Brennan was smaller and had to stay in the hospital for a week or two and when he came home he had a heart monitor attached.


that's all the time I have for today. Pretty terrible, I bet, but I will continue everyday now. I have a lot to say and no time to say it.

Empty for Christ

What does it mean to be empty for Christ?

Being empty for Christ is synonymous with walking in the Spirit, being surrendered to God’s will, or being dedicated to His service. Simply stated it is a phrase that describes my commitment to try to pursue the Lord’s will for my life.  Having received God’s gift of grace, I recognized that it is my reasonable service to seek His guidance for my life and to deepen my relationship with Christ through prayer, study, praise, meditation, obedience, and service.  

Romans 12:1-2 (NKJV) “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” 

The purpose of this blog is threefold: 

1. To share the gospel and my personal testimony, giving all the glory and praise to God for what He has done and is continuing to do in my life.  

2. To encourage others to put their faith in Jesus Christ for their salvation, to surrender to God's will for their lives, and to continually deepen their understanding and personal relationship with Christ.  

3, To document my journey as a Christian, to keep my focus on the Lord, and to determine His purpose for me.